Well that was a nice little lol.
Basically, After that last lovely post I went ahead and gave in. Again. You really think the going's good until your urges take over. I've discovered another pattern about myself, however, and now I know that it's not oing to happen again.
I go in three week cycles.
Every freaking god hell shit three week mark, I go ahead and give into mindless eating temptation. Really? Am I that weak?
Hell naw.
So, after 3 days of shameless eating (ugh), I got back on the wagon and here we go. Two weeks later I feel as fabulous as I did before. I know that the three week mark is coming up soon. I'm so ready for it.
Another thing I should probably mention is that having a partner to support you is amazing. I have one now, and I feel like this time around, I can't let this person down. I feel like the role model. I need to be true to myself and to them. Don't worry, if you're reading this, I won't let you down. We are on this journey together. As I've said before, anyone reading this, if you'd like someone to talk to, or if you feel the need for support or someone to confide in that knows exactly what you're going through, DO NOT HESITATE to contact me.
v.burnett@hotmail.com
The biggest and most important step about this whole problem solving process is admitting that you do, in fact, have a problem, but that there is also a light at the end of the tunnel. You can overcome it. I'm so close I can taste it. As soon as you're back on track and eating normally and healthily, the weight will go.
Something I should mention: It's not all diet. You need to exercise. Alot. Deal with it.
To anyone who aknowledged this blog, thankyou. Thankyou for the support and kind words. Thankyou to the boy who told me everything I didn't want to hear. I disagree with you still, but I absolutley love and respect that you would say those things to me for my well being, even jeopardising our friendship. I love you for that.
BITCHES BRING ON WEEK THREE.
One Love,
Victo
304 days to go
Friday, December 11, 2009
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Day 49 - I Love This Shit
So this diet is awesome.
Fell off the wagon a couple of times, but it's expected for such a big change. I am so proud of myself. I don't have time to write alot, it's been crazy with the musical and everything, but I thought I'd share a few stats.
I'm 125lbs.
Waist now 25".
My tight jeans are loose.
My skin is super clear.
My double chin is receding.
Amen, praise Jesus.
It's not just the diet, though.
I also run every single morning before school for 25 minutes. That's making a huge difference. And now I must go do some more circuit training.
I'm feeling so good.
There's also a new change in my life that is beyond wonderful. And I love Eleanor.
One Love
Victo
316 days to go
Fell off the wagon a couple of times, but it's expected for such a big change. I am so proud of myself. I don't have time to write alot, it's been crazy with the musical and everything, but I thought I'd share a few stats.
I'm 125lbs.
Waist now 25".
My tight jeans are loose.
My skin is super clear.
My double chin is receding.
Amen, praise Jesus.
It's not just the diet, though.
I also run every single morning before school for 25 minutes. That's making a huge difference. And now I must go do some more circuit training.
I'm feeling so good.
There's also a new change in my life that is beyond wonderful. And I love Eleanor.
One Love
Victo
316 days to go
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Day 25 - Breakthrough
Alright ladies and gentlemen.
When there's a will, there's a way. I made a breakthrough today.
Today after school I was so hungry. There was NO LIVING FOOD IN MY HOUSE. Except for bananas. Now, I know that bananas are my trigger food. I ate 2 and a grapefruit and a huge salad and some mandarins. That's alot of food. So I was already bloated when I went to karate later that night.
I went to karate and did the workout and that was all fine and dandy. Now at the end of karate I had this overwhelming desire to just go home and binge. I was okay with that at karate and rationalizing it by telling myself that I had already blown that day because of the bananas and shit.
BUT.
In the car on the way home, I took a second and told myself this about a hundred times over and over:
"You aren't going to like it, but this is what you have to do."
After that, I was fine. I didn't have the urge anymore. And now, I'm happy to report that I'm going to bed without having binged today.
Thank Jesus.
One Love,
A very euphoric Victo
340 days to go
When there's a will, there's a way. I made a breakthrough today.
Today after school I was so hungry. There was NO LIVING FOOD IN MY HOUSE. Except for bananas. Now, I know that bananas are my trigger food. I ate 2 and a grapefruit and a huge salad and some mandarins. That's alot of food. So I was already bloated when I went to karate later that night.
I went to karate and did the workout and that was all fine and dandy. Now at the end of karate I had this overwhelming desire to just go home and binge. I was okay with that at karate and rationalizing it by telling myself that I had already blown that day because of the bananas and shit.
BUT.
In the car on the way home, I took a second and told myself this about a hundred times over and over:
"You aren't going to like it, but this is what you have to do."
After that, I was fine. I didn't have the urge anymore. And now, I'm happy to report that I'm going to bed without having binged today.
Thank Jesus.
One Love,
A very euphoric Victo
340 days to go
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Day 20 - Ah. Here Wo go.
Today, I'm feeling good energies.
I got up and went to the gym, did back weights and 20 mins of stepper. Then, I went to Trhifty's and got a whole bunch of beautiful living things and a 1.5 of water. Then I went home, drank my water and ate a breakfast of 1/4 papaya, grapes and 1/4 pineapple with salba.
It's only just the beginning of the day, but I feel great.
Okay so, uncensored blog, right? Honest with myself, yes?
Ugh.
Well yesterday I had kind of a "acceptable-food-only binge". I had like 5 bananas and a smoothie with coconut milk and lost of nuts. I literally got sick at work that night, I thought I was going to throw up. This morning I feel better and not too bloated, but yeah. I'm a bit dissapointed. But we can only move forward from here, and I forgive myself for that time of weakness.
Today I'm playing a show in Langford (Westshore.. D:), and will be playing a 5 hour set. I've never done that before. I'm also going to be staying up all night and watching 200+ people get drunk. And crunk.
Yes, my life.
K well, that's about it for now. Just letting everyone know that today's prospects are good. I'm going to go for a little jog after I post this and then wash my hair and try to force my body to look half decent.
Btw, your comments are very much appreciated, but Blogger won't let me answer them. So If you'd like an answer, either email me v.burnett@hotmail.com or post your email. :)
One love,
Victo
PS: I realize my days to go counting has been off. Now it's 345 days to go.
I got up and went to the gym, did back weights and 20 mins of stepper. Then, I went to Trhifty's and got a whole bunch of beautiful living things and a 1.5 of water. Then I went home, drank my water and ate a breakfast of 1/4 papaya, grapes and 1/4 pineapple with salba.
It's only just the beginning of the day, but I feel great.
Okay so, uncensored blog, right? Honest with myself, yes?
Ugh.
Well yesterday I had kind of a "acceptable-food-only binge". I had like 5 bananas and a smoothie with coconut milk and lost of nuts. I literally got sick at work that night, I thought I was going to throw up. This morning I feel better and not too bloated, but yeah. I'm a bit dissapointed. But we can only move forward from here, and I forgive myself for that time of weakness.
Today I'm playing a show in Langford (Westshore.. D:), and will be playing a 5 hour set. I've never done that before. I'm also going to be staying up all night and watching 200+ people get drunk. And crunk.
Yes, my life.
K well, that's about it for now. Just letting everyone know that today's prospects are good. I'm going to go for a little jog after I post this and then wash my hair and try to force my body to look half decent.
Btw, your comments are very much appreciated, but Blogger won't let me answer them. So If you'd like an answer, either email me v.burnett@hotmail.com or post your email. :)
One love,
Victo
PS: I realize my days to go counting has been off. Now it's 345 days to go.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Day 16 - Oh God, Just Repeat The Damn Mantra
Today was slightly tough.
You see, after a binge, you get very, very bloated. It's been two days and I'm stilll feeling it. My waist is all puffy and not as tight as it should be and my face is very round.. I HATE that feeling. But, consequences for your actions, right? I can deal.
I told myself that I would go for a run this morning, but when I woke up, I couldn't bring myself to do it. Too tired. Or lazy? Ugh.
So instead I went to the gym after school and did some shoulders and 20 mins of the stepper. Did that ever feel good. Wow. Tomorrow I'm going to go for my run since I'm going to bed right after this post. No excuses.
I'm half laughing at myself because this is the worst time to be bloated. Before the binge, I bought my Halloween costume which is this beautiful wedding dress that is, to say the least..
..fitted.
So. I don't really know how I'm going to fit into it for friday. We'll see. All the more reason to run tomorrow. Amen.
What did I eat today? Good question. Let's see..
many many dates.
(shit I really did have alot of dates today. Like.. 10.)
Ok.
10 dates
1/4 papaya
2 oranges
many grapes
some cucumber
10 baby carrots
8 little tomatoes
1/2 orange pepper
lots of greens
olives
1 avocado
1/4 cup cashews
2 apples
salba
I think that's everything. I felt very good today and energized to go to the gym. When I went to take my shower, I saw my bloated stomach and felt like jumping off the Empress, but hey. Deal with it, honey. You pay the price.
FINE BITCH WATCH ME
:)
One love,
Victo
350 days to go
You see, after a binge, you get very, very bloated. It's been two days and I'm stilll feeling it. My waist is all puffy and not as tight as it should be and my face is very round.. I HATE that feeling. But, consequences for your actions, right? I can deal.
I told myself that I would go for a run this morning, but when I woke up, I couldn't bring myself to do it. Too tired. Or lazy? Ugh.
So instead I went to the gym after school and did some shoulders and 20 mins of the stepper. Did that ever feel good. Wow. Tomorrow I'm going to go for my run since I'm going to bed right after this post. No excuses.
I'm half laughing at myself because this is the worst time to be bloated. Before the binge, I bought my Halloween costume which is this beautiful wedding dress that is, to say the least..
..fitted.
So. I don't really know how I'm going to fit into it for friday. We'll see. All the more reason to run tomorrow. Amen.
What did I eat today? Good question. Let's see..
many many dates.
(shit I really did have alot of dates today. Like.. 10.)
Ok.
10 dates
1/4 papaya
2 oranges
many grapes
some cucumber
10 baby carrots
8 little tomatoes
1/2 orange pepper
lots of greens
olives
1 avocado
1/4 cup cashews
2 apples
salba
I think that's everything. I felt very good today and energized to go to the gym. When I went to take my shower, I saw my bloated stomach and felt like jumping off the Empress, but hey. Deal with it, honey. You pay the price.
FINE BITCH WATCH ME
:)
One love,
Victo
350 days to go
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Day 15 - Regeneration
Yesterday I had a sick day, and I feel so much better.
Gave me some time to think and regenerate. You know, I think that having a sick day is one of the most beneficial rewards for your body. You hear this all the time: Stop making food your reward, buy a new shirt! Get your nails done! Read about Chernobyl!
NO.
Just have a sick day.
It works.
Then, you can have your bath, do your own nails, watch a whole DVD about Chernobyl and still have the rest of the day to sleep and become human again.
I ate alot today, but that is FINE with me!
4 dates
3 bananas
4 apples
many greens
1 avocado
10 baby carrots
many little tomatoes
many olives
some cucumber
1/4 papaya
1/4 pineapple
many grapes
some salba
BITCH.
Then I went to karate and had a pretty great day, not to mention my new track is going so so so well.
Something I wanted to mention was that Salba rocks. It's the only whole food that has medical properties and is tasteless and full of protein. You can sneak it into everything. I have 2 tbps of it every morning on top of my fruit. I love it. It's expensive, but so good for you. Gives you a great energy boost in the morning.
http://www.sourcesalba.com/
Good for the tummy too. Keeps you full. :)
Anyhow, I need to sleep. I have to get up early for my run that I love. I can't wait. Life is good!
Don't look back, Be strong, Keep going.
One love,
Victo
351 days to go
Gave me some time to think and regenerate. You know, I think that having a sick day is one of the most beneficial rewards for your body. You hear this all the time: Stop making food your reward, buy a new shirt! Get your nails done! Read about Chernobyl!
NO.
Just have a sick day.
It works.
Then, you can have your bath, do your own nails, watch a whole DVD about Chernobyl and still have the rest of the day to sleep and become human again.
I ate alot today, but that is FINE with me!
4 dates
3 bananas
4 apples
many greens
1 avocado
10 baby carrots
many little tomatoes
many olives
some cucumber
1/4 papaya
1/4 pineapple
many grapes
some salba
BITCH.
Then I went to karate and had a pretty great day, not to mention my new track is going so so so well.
Something I wanted to mention was that Salba rocks. It's the only whole food that has medical properties and is tasteless and full of protein. You can sneak it into everything. I have 2 tbps of it every morning on top of my fruit. I love it. It's expensive, but so good for you. Gives you a great energy boost in the morning.
http://www.sourcesalba.com/
Good for the tummy too. Keeps you full. :)
Anyhow, I need to sleep. I have to get up early for my run that I love. I can't wait. Life is good!
Don't look back, Be strong, Keep going.
One love,
Victo
351 days to go
Monday, October 26, 2009
Day 14 - Don't Look Back, Be Strong, Keep Going
Well ladies and gentlemen, I told you all that I would keep this little blog of mine totally honest and uncensored, so here wo go.
We had a down yesterday and the day before that. I had a terrible week; my grandpa died and my favourite resident at the old folk's home where I work also died. The same day. FML.
This is no excuse for how I reacted though, which was through bingeing. (Applause, please.) Good on you, Victo, for haveing a fantastic two weeks and then blowing it all away becuase you were sad. See, the reason I did this is because that's how I cope with emotions. Well, how I used to cope. I end up feeling so so so guilty afterwards and not knowing what to do with myself. I ended up getting myself sick, because I threw up and now I'm having flu like symptoms. Hoorah. Before I go on a binge, I always try and justify it by telling myself things like, What's one day gonna do? You've been good for TWO WEEKS! Oh whatever, just do it.
It's kind of pathetic. This time in particular, I actually had a relatively suicidal thought when I woke up the next morning and realized what I had done to myself. Then I dismissed it and repeated my new mantra (well not really new, but decided to make it my mantra when a fantastic and very dear friend told me that they help): Don't look back, Be strong, Keep going. I've always lived by those words and now I just repeat them whenever I've done something that I regret.
I've found that the best thing to do when you've done something terrible and you just want to die is to be insanely nice and forgiving to yourself. That's the only way you'll get better and make a better choice the next time. You need to be your best friend, not your mom. Don't look back, Be strong, Keep going. I knew this switch to raw-veganism was going to be tough, which is why I'm trying very very hard to forgive myself as fully as possible for this little hiccup. It won't happen again, obviously, because I would not be following my mantra. Keep going does not mean going back to old habits.
Today I'm regenerating and trying not to throw up. I know that I haven't posted in a while, but I needed some time to forgive myself for this small and insignificant setback.
One love,
Victo
352 days to go
We had a down yesterday and the day before that. I had a terrible week; my grandpa died and my favourite resident at the old folk's home where I work also died. The same day. FML.
This is no excuse for how I reacted though, which was through bingeing. (Applause, please.) Good on you, Victo, for haveing a fantastic two weeks and then blowing it all away becuase you were sad. See, the reason I did this is because that's how I cope with emotions. Well, how I used to cope. I end up feeling so so so guilty afterwards and not knowing what to do with myself. I ended up getting myself sick, because I threw up and now I'm having flu like symptoms. Hoorah. Before I go on a binge, I always try and justify it by telling myself things like, What's one day gonna do? You've been good for TWO WEEKS! Oh whatever, just do it.
It's kind of pathetic. This time in particular, I actually had a relatively suicidal thought when I woke up the next morning and realized what I had done to myself. Then I dismissed it and repeated my new mantra (well not really new, but decided to make it my mantra when a fantastic and very dear friend told me that they help): Don't look back, Be strong, Keep going. I've always lived by those words and now I just repeat them whenever I've done something that I regret.
I've found that the best thing to do when you've done something terrible and you just want to die is to be insanely nice and forgiving to yourself. That's the only way you'll get better and make a better choice the next time. You need to be your best friend, not your mom. Don't look back, Be strong, Keep going. I knew this switch to raw-veganism was going to be tough, which is why I'm trying very very hard to forgive myself as fully as possible for this little hiccup. It won't happen again, obviously, because I would not be following my mantra. Keep going does not mean going back to old habits.
Today I'm regenerating and trying not to throw up. I know that I haven't posted in a while, but I needed some time to forgive myself for this small and insignificant setback.
One love,
Victo
352 days to go
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