The Beginning

Okay, world.

I have a psycological problem.
I have an eating disorder.

And today.

That's all going to change.

First off, let me introduce myself to those of you who don't know me already.
My name is Victoria, I go by Victo. I'm a 16 year old girl from Canada. My passion and reason for living is music. Producing electronic dance music, to be precise. (I use FL Studio Producer and Mixcraft, saving up for Ableton and can spin decks.) I love exercise, singing and performing. I'm in grade 12. I have a really really offensive sense of humor and can't stand people who can't laugh at life. Here's my story.
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Over the past month I've developped a form of anorexia that involves binge eating (eating until you think you'll die) and then not eating for 3 days. I'm miserable. Bingeing is like a trance. It's emotional. I lead a very very stressful life and my ambitions often leave me feeling lost and without a plan. And I hate that. The one thing that's always been structured for me has been my eating. In 2006 I weighed 147lbs, my ultimate high. I was 13. I started the Bonnie diet (my personal trainer who's a professional fitness and figure champion, this diet involves lost of chicken and asparagus and bok choy and rice cakes and that's it) and did it for a year. I basically ate the same exact thing everyday and exercised alot. I lost 17lbs, and was at 130lbs. I looked totally different, and felt great. Then I tried weaning myself off of it and just alorie counting. That combined with the infamous 3 day diet brought me even lower, to the point that I reached my ultimate low of 119lbs in August of this year.

Now. Then the bingeing started. I decided that I wanted to become a singer. I wanted to be a producer of my own electronic dance music and to do what I love. This was a hard decision. I'll post another post about that later.
With this decision came alot of tough emotions for me, and I felt a loss of control, so I turned to food; the one thing I had control over. To make a long story short, I've kept it a secret. I'm so ashamed.

I'M THE ONE MY FRIENDS GO TO FOR EATING ADVICE. HOW COULD I DO THIS TO MYSELF. I AM A FAILURE.
These are the things going on in my head. As I said before, it's a trance. I eat and eat and eat until my sides hurt and I want to purge and I can't even sleep and my heart is beating fast.. Feverish. It's a disease. People laugh at bingeing and don't take it seriously. It's a problem, people. Face it.

Now. With this cycle, I've gained back 11lbs. I'm hovering just under 130lbs.. and hating it.

I've come to the decision today, to let everyone know about my disorder so that we can work together to help me overcome it. I am going to change. I just can't do it in silence.

So I've started this blog to keep my decisions and successes and failures logged.

Victo, how are you going to change?
Well, my dearest friends. Tomorrow morning, I am a raw vegan. This means that I will only eat raw fruits and veggies, not cooked over 50 degrees C. This is a life changing decision for me. On this blog, I'm going to log all of the difficulties I encounter and how I feel.

I really hope that if someone is in the same situation as I am will maybe take the steps with me so that we can cure ourselves together, be good to our bodies and be free to live! My goal is to go 365 days raw, and to blog at least 3 times a week. If you email me, I'll send you everything you need to know about going raw and I'll be a friend and we can support eachother. v.burnett@hotmail.com
I know I am not alone, and it would be amazing to hear what people have to say. Admitting my disorder is the most embarassing thing that I think I've ever done, but I also think it's the only way to be healthy again. I can do this.

I can do this.

Wish me luck!
Tomorrow is the beginning of the rest of my life as a happy, healthy, performing, creating,

RAW VEGAN!
:D

All my love, Victo