Well that was a nice little lol.
Basically, After that last lovely post I went ahead and gave in. Again. You really think the going's good until your urges take over. I've discovered another pattern about myself, however, and now I know that it's not oing to happen again.
I go in three week cycles.
Every freaking god hell shit three week mark, I go ahead and give into mindless eating temptation. Really? Am I that weak?
Hell naw.
So, after 3 days of shameless eating (ugh), I got back on the wagon and here we go. Two weeks later I feel as fabulous as I did before. I know that the three week mark is coming up soon. I'm so ready for it.
Another thing I should probably mention is that having a partner to support you is amazing. I have one now, and I feel like this time around, I can't let this person down. I feel like the role model. I need to be true to myself and to them. Don't worry, if you're reading this, I won't let you down. We are on this journey together. As I've said before, anyone reading this, if you'd like someone to talk to, or if you feel the need for support or someone to confide in that knows exactly what you're going through, DO NOT HESITATE to contact me.
v.burnett@hotmail.com
The biggest and most important step about this whole problem solving process is admitting that you do, in fact, have a problem, but that there is also a light at the end of the tunnel. You can overcome it. I'm so close I can taste it. As soon as you're back on track and eating normally and healthily, the weight will go.
Something I should mention: It's not all diet. You need to exercise. Alot. Deal with it.
To anyone who aknowledged this blog, thankyou. Thankyou for the support and kind words. Thankyou to the boy who told me everything I didn't want to hear. I disagree with you still, but I absolutley love and respect that you would say those things to me for my well being, even jeopardising our friendship. I love you for that.
BITCHES BRING ON WEEK THREE.
One Love,
Victo
304 days to go
Friday, December 11, 2009
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Day 49 - I Love This Shit
So this diet is awesome.
Fell off the wagon a couple of times, but it's expected for such a big change. I am so proud of myself. I don't have time to write alot, it's been crazy with the musical and everything, but I thought I'd share a few stats.
I'm 125lbs.
Waist now 25".
My tight jeans are loose.
My skin is super clear.
My double chin is receding.
Amen, praise Jesus.
It's not just the diet, though.
I also run every single morning before school for 25 minutes. That's making a huge difference. And now I must go do some more circuit training.
I'm feeling so good.
There's also a new change in my life that is beyond wonderful. And I love Eleanor.
One Love
Victo
316 days to go
Fell off the wagon a couple of times, but it's expected for such a big change. I am so proud of myself. I don't have time to write alot, it's been crazy with the musical and everything, but I thought I'd share a few stats.
I'm 125lbs.
Waist now 25".
My tight jeans are loose.
My skin is super clear.
My double chin is receding.
Amen, praise Jesus.
It's not just the diet, though.
I also run every single morning before school for 25 minutes. That's making a huge difference. And now I must go do some more circuit training.
I'm feeling so good.
There's also a new change in my life that is beyond wonderful. And I love Eleanor.
One Love
Victo
316 days to go
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Day 25 - Breakthrough
Alright ladies and gentlemen.
When there's a will, there's a way. I made a breakthrough today.
Today after school I was so hungry. There was NO LIVING FOOD IN MY HOUSE. Except for bananas. Now, I know that bananas are my trigger food. I ate 2 and a grapefruit and a huge salad and some mandarins. That's alot of food. So I was already bloated when I went to karate later that night.
I went to karate and did the workout and that was all fine and dandy. Now at the end of karate I had this overwhelming desire to just go home and binge. I was okay with that at karate and rationalizing it by telling myself that I had already blown that day because of the bananas and shit.
BUT.
In the car on the way home, I took a second and told myself this about a hundred times over and over:
"You aren't going to like it, but this is what you have to do."
After that, I was fine. I didn't have the urge anymore. And now, I'm happy to report that I'm going to bed without having binged today.
Thank Jesus.
One Love,
A very euphoric Victo
340 days to go
When there's a will, there's a way. I made a breakthrough today.
Today after school I was so hungry. There was NO LIVING FOOD IN MY HOUSE. Except for bananas. Now, I know that bananas are my trigger food. I ate 2 and a grapefruit and a huge salad and some mandarins. That's alot of food. So I was already bloated when I went to karate later that night.
I went to karate and did the workout and that was all fine and dandy. Now at the end of karate I had this overwhelming desire to just go home and binge. I was okay with that at karate and rationalizing it by telling myself that I had already blown that day because of the bananas and shit.
BUT.
In the car on the way home, I took a second and told myself this about a hundred times over and over:
"You aren't going to like it, but this is what you have to do."
After that, I was fine. I didn't have the urge anymore. And now, I'm happy to report that I'm going to bed without having binged today.
Thank Jesus.
One Love,
A very euphoric Victo
340 days to go
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Day 20 - Ah. Here Wo go.
Today, I'm feeling good energies.
I got up and went to the gym, did back weights and 20 mins of stepper. Then, I went to Trhifty's and got a whole bunch of beautiful living things and a 1.5 of water. Then I went home, drank my water and ate a breakfast of 1/4 papaya, grapes and 1/4 pineapple with salba.
It's only just the beginning of the day, but I feel great.
Okay so, uncensored blog, right? Honest with myself, yes?
Ugh.
Well yesterday I had kind of a "acceptable-food-only binge". I had like 5 bananas and a smoothie with coconut milk and lost of nuts. I literally got sick at work that night, I thought I was going to throw up. This morning I feel better and not too bloated, but yeah. I'm a bit dissapointed. But we can only move forward from here, and I forgive myself for that time of weakness.
Today I'm playing a show in Langford (Westshore.. D:), and will be playing a 5 hour set. I've never done that before. I'm also going to be staying up all night and watching 200+ people get drunk. And crunk.
Yes, my life.
K well, that's about it for now. Just letting everyone know that today's prospects are good. I'm going to go for a little jog after I post this and then wash my hair and try to force my body to look half decent.
Btw, your comments are very much appreciated, but Blogger won't let me answer them. So If you'd like an answer, either email me v.burnett@hotmail.com or post your email. :)
One love,
Victo
PS: I realize my days to go counting has been off. Now it's 345 days to go.
I got up and went to the gym, did back weights and 20 mins of stepper. Then, I went to Trhifty's and got a whole bunch of beautiful living things and a 1.5 of water. Then I went home, drank my water and ate a breakfast of 1/4 papaya, grapes and 1/4 pineapple with salba.
It's only just the beginning of the day, but I feel great.
Okay so, uncensored blog, right? Honest with myself, yes?
Ugh.
Well yesterday I had kind of a "acceptable-food-only binge". I had like 5 bananas and a smoothie with coconut milk and lost of nuts. I literally got sick at work that night, I thought I was going to throw up. This morning I feel better and not too bloated, but yeah. I'm a bit dissapointed. But we can only move forward from here, and I forgive myself for that time of weakness.
Today I'm playing a show in Langford (Westshore.. D:), and will be playing a 5 hour set. I've never done that before. I'm also going to be staying up all night and watching 200+ people get drunk. And crunk.
Yes, my life.
K well, that's about it for now. Just letting everyone know that today's prospects are good. I'm going to go for a little jog after I post this and then wash my hair and try to force my body to look half decent.
Btw, your comments are very much appreciated, but Blogger won't let me answer them. So If you'd like an answer, either email me v.burnett@hotmail.com or post your email. :)
One love,
Victo
PS: I realize my days to go counting has been off. Now it's 345 days to go.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Day 16 - Oh God, Just Repeat The Damn Mantra
Today was slightly tough.
You see, after a binge, you get very, very bloated. It's been two days and I'm stilll feeling it. My waist is all puffy and not as tight as it should be and my face is very round.. I HATE that feeling. But, consequences for your actions, right? I can deal.
I told myself that I would go for a run this morning, but when I woke up, I couldn't bring myself to do it. Too tired. Or lazy? Ugh.
So instead I went to the gym after school and did some shoulders and 20 mins of the stepper. Did that ever feel good. Wow. Tomorrow I'm going to go for my run since I'm going to bed right after this post. No excuses.
I'm half laughing at myself because this is the worst time to be bloated. Before the binge, I bought my Halloween costume which is this beautiful wedding dress that is, to say the least..
..fitted.
So. I don't really know how I'm going to fit into it for friday. We'll see. All the more reason to run tomorrow. Amen.
What did I eat today? Good question. Let's see..
many many dates.
(shit I really did have alot of dates today. Like.. 10.)
Ok.
10 dates
1/4 papaya
2 oranges
many grapes
some cucumber
10 baby carrots
8 little tomatoes
1/2 orange pepper
lots of greens
olives
1 avocado
1/4 cup cashews
2 apples
salba
I think that's everything. I felt very good today and energized to go to the gym. When I went to take my shower, I saw my bloated stomach and felt like jumping off the Empress, but hey. Deal with it, honey. You pay the price.
FINE BITCH WATCH ME
:)
One love,
Victo
350 days to go
You see, after a binge, you get very, very bloated. It's been two days and I'm stilll feeling it. My waist is all puffy and not as tight as it should be and my face is very round.. I HATE that feeling. But, consequences for your actions, right? I can deal.
I told myself that I would go for a run this morning, but when I woke up, I couldn't bring myself to do it. Too tired. Or lazy? Ugh.
So instead I went to the gym after school and did some shoulders and 20 mins of the stepper. Did that ever feel good. Wow. Tomorrow I'm going to go for my run since I'm going to bed right after this post. No excuses.
I'm half laughing at myself because this is the worst time to be bloated. Before the binge, I bought my Halloween costume which is this beautiful wedding dress that is, to say the least..
..fitted.
So. I don't really know how I'm going to fit into it for friday. We'll see. All the more reason to run tomorrow. Amen.
What did I eat today? Good question. Let's see..
many many dates.
(shit I really did have alot of dates today. Like.. 10.)
Ok.
10 dates
1/4 papaya
2 oranges
many grapes
some cucumber
10 baby carrots
8 little tomatoes
1/2 orange pepper
lots of greens
olives
1 avocado
1/4 cup cashews
2 apples
salba
I think that's everything. I felt very good today and energized to go to the gym. When I went to take my shower, I saw my bloated stomach and felt like jumping off the Empress, but hey. Deal with it, honey. You pay the price.
FINE BITCH WATCH ME
:)
One love,
Victo
350 days to go
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Day 15 - Regeneration
Yesterday I had a sick day, and I feel so much better.
Gave me some time to think and regenerate. You know, I think that having a sick day is one of the most beneficial rewards for your body. You hear this all the time: Stop making food your reward, buy a new shirt! Get your nails done! Read about Chernobyl!
NO.
Just have a sick day.
It works.
Then, you can have your bath, do your own nails, watch a whole DVD about Chernobyl and still have the rest of the day to sleep and become human again.
I ate alot today, but that is FINE with me!
4 dates
3 bananas
4 apples
many greens
1 avocado
10 baby carrots
many little tomatoes
many olives
some cucumber
1/4 papaya
1/4 pineapple
many grapes
some salba
BITCH.
Then I went to karate and had a pretty great day, not to mention my new track is going so so so well.
Something I wanted to mention was that Salba rocks. It's the only whole food that has medical properties and is tasteless and full of protein. You can sneak it into everything. I have 2 tbps of it every morning on top of my fruit. I love it. It's expensive, but so good for you. Gives you a great energy boost in the morning.
http://www.sourcesalba.com/
Good for the tummy too. Keeps you full. :)
Anyhow, I need to sleep. I have to get up early for my run that I love. I can't wait. Life is good!
Don't look back, Be strong, Keep going.
One love,
Victo
351 days to go
Gave me some time to think and regenerate. You know, I think that having a sick day is one of the most beneficial rewards for your body. You hear this all the time: Stop making food your reward, buy a new shirt! Get your nails done! Read about Chernobyl!
NO.
Just have a sick day.
It works.
Then, you can have your bath, do your own nails, watch a whole DVD about Chernobyl and still have the rest of the day to sleep and become human again.
I ate alot today, but that is FINE with me!
4 dates
3 bananas
4 apples
many greens
1 avocado
10 baby carrots
many little tomatoes
many olives
some cucumber
1/4 papaya
1/4 pineapple
many grapes
some salba
BITCH.
Then I went to karate and had a pretty great day, not to mention my new track is going so so so well.
Something I wanted to mention was that Salba rocks. It's the only whole food that has medical properties and is tasteless and full of protein. You can sneak it into everything. I have 2 tbps of it every morning on top of my fruit. I love it. It's expensive, but so good for you. Gives you a great energy boost in the morning.
http://www.sourcesalba.com/
Good for the tummy too. Keeps you full. :)
Anyhow, I need to sleep. I have to get up early for my run that I love. I can't wait. Life is good!
Don't look back, Be strong, Keep going.
One love,
Victo
351 days to go
Monday, October 26, 2009
Day 14 - Don't Look Back, Be Strong, Keep Going
Well ladies and gentlemen, I told you all that I would keep this little blog of mine totally honest and uncensored, so here wo go.
We had a down yesterday and the day before that. I had a terrible week; my grandpa died and my favourite resident at the old folk's home where I work also died. The same day. FML.
This is no excuse for how I reacted though, which was through bingeing. (Applause, please.) Good on you, Victo, for haveing a fantastic two weeks and then blowing it all away becuase you were sad. See, the reason I did this is because that's how I cope with emotions. Well, how I used to cope. I end up feeling so so so guilty afterwards and not knowing what to do with myself. I ended up getting myself sick, because I threw up and now I'm having flu like symptoms. Hoorah. Before I go on a binge, I always try and justify it by telling myself things like, What's one day gonna do? You've been good for TWO WEEKS! Oh whatever, just do it.
It's kind of pathetic. This time in particular, I actually had a relatively suicidal thought when I woke up the next morning and realized what I had done to myself. Then I dismissed it and repeated my new mantra (well not really new, but decided to make it my mantra when a fantastic and very dear friend told me that they help): Don't look back, Be strong, Keep going. I've always lived by those words and now I just repeat them whenever I've done something that I regret.
I've found that the best thing to do when you've done something terrible and you just want to die is to be insanely nice and forgiving to yourself. That's the only way you'll get better and make a better choice the next time. You need to be your best friend, not your mom. Don't look back, Be strong, Keep going. I knew this switch to raw-veganism was going to be tough, which is why I'm trying very very hard to forgive myself as fully as possible for this little hiccup. It won't happen again, obviously, because I would not be following my mantra. Keep going does not mean going back to old habits.
Today I'm regenerating and trying not to throw up. I know that I haven't posted in a while, but I needed some time to forgive myself for this small and insignificant setback.
One love,
Victo
352 days to go
We had a down yesterday and the day before that. I had a terrible week; my grandpa died and my favourite resident at the old folk's home where I work also died. The same day. FML.
This is no excuse for how I reacted though, which was through bingeing. (Applause, please.) Good on you, Victo, for haveing a fantastic two weeks and then blowing it all away becuase you were sad. See, the reason I did this is because that's how I cope with emotions. Well, how I used to cope. I end up feeling so so so guilty afterwards and not knowing what to do with myself. I ended up getting myself sick, because I threw up and now I'm having flu like symptoms. Hoorah. Before I go on a binge, I always try and justify it by telling myself things like, What's one day gonna do? You've been good for TWO WEEKS! Oh whatever, just do it.
It's kind of pathetic. This time in particular, I actually had a relatively suicidal thought when I woke up the next morning and realized what I had done to myself. Then I dismissed it and repeated my new mantra (well not really new, but decided to make it my mantra when a fantastic and very dear friend told me that they help): Don't look back, Be strong, Keep going. I've always lived by those words and now I just repeat them whenever I've done something that I regret.
I've found that the best thing to do when you've done something terrible and you just want to die is to be insanely nice and forgiving to yourself. That's the only way you'll get better and make a better choice the next time. You need to be your best friend, not your mom. Don't look back, Be strong, Keep going. I knew this switch to raw-veganism was going to be tough, which is why I'm trying very very hard to forgive myself as fully as possible for this little hiccup. It won't happen again, obviously, because I would not be following my mantra. Keep going does not mean going back to old habits.
Today I'm regenerating and trying not to throw up. I know that I haven't posted in a while, but I needed some time to forgive myself for this small and insignificant setback.
One love,
Victo
352 days to go
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Day 2 - Adjustments
Well day 2 felt interesting.
My stomach was making strange noises at me. My head is clear though. I think that this is just more of a detoxification than I was expecting. I'm very hungry alot of the time, even though I eat alot more than I'm used to. It's interesting how meats and processed foods are so much harder for your body to digest.
My foods for the day?
2 dates
1/2 papaya
1/2 cup cucumber
3/4 cup nuts
2 cups grapes
10 baby carrots
1/2 cup cherry tomatoes
2 apples
1/8 red pepper
1 tsp olive oil
balsamic vinegar
greens (yes including kale..)
soy sauce
My calorie intake for the day, even with ALL THAT FOOD was 853.
Amazing.
I'm going to karate tonight, and I just ate my salad and feel super energized. I should also add that I'm drinking ALOT of water.. I always have. 3 litres a day minimum. That will help cleanse your system.
On another note, I'm super excited because thursday's the show and I've got a good feeling about it. I also have a billion new samples to play with (thankyou Christoph) and a few new plugins too.
I'm off to karate now.
(I just typed "karaoke" instead of "karate". I should have left it.)
One love.
Victo
353 days to go
My stomach was making strange noises at me. My head is clear though. I think that this is just more of a detoxification than I was expecting. I'm very hungry alot of the time, even though I eat alot more than I'm used to. It's interesting how meats and processed foods are so much harder for your body to digest.
My foods for the day?
2 dates
1/2 papaya
1/2 cup cucumber
3/4 cup nuts
2 cups grapes
10 baby carrots
1/2 cup cherry tomatoes
2 apples
1/8 red pepper
1 tsp olive oil
balsamic vinegar
greens (yes including kale..)
soy sauce
My calorie intake for the day, even with ALL THAT FOOD was 853.
Amazing.
I'm going to karate tonight, and I just ate my salad and feel super energized. I should also add that I'm drinking ALOT of water.. I always have. 3 litres a day minimum. That will help cleanse your system.
On another note, I'm super excited because thursday's the show and I've got a good feeling about it. I also have a billion new samples to play with (thankyou Christoph) and a few new plugins too.
I'm off to karate now.
(I just typed "karaoke" instead of "karate". I should have left it.)
One love.
Victo
353 days to go
Monday, October 12, 2009
Day 1 - Optimism
Day 1. So.. 364 days to go.
Please, dear Lord, give me strength.
The first day? It was great actually. I didn't really have enough time to focus on food. I had a crazy day. Lots of music. I'll write about that later.
Maybe I won't.
Okay so here's a list of what I ate today in the order in which they come to my head:
1 plum
1/2 yellow papaya
1 kiwi
2 dates
1 cup cashews/walnuts
greens
1 cup cherry tomatoes
1/2 cucumber
10 baby carrots
1 1/2 cups grapes
alfalfa
balsamic vinegar
1 tsp olive oil
1 tsp soy sauce
That was my intake of the day and I felt great. No hunger.
I did, however have this strange thing with my head. I wasn't lightheaded, but something was like.. shifting? It was odd. I think it's just the initial detox working it's magic. We'll see. I really don't have much to say about eating right now because I didn't think about it much today. I just did my stuff and ate when I was hungry. I had lots of fun at the grocery store, though. I think I filled my fridge with like..
Kale.
D:
But! All is good. If you want to read one of the things that made me consider Raw-ism in the first place, this articel by Steve Pavlina is fantastic. Actually, he is just fantastic. I adore him.
http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2008/02/raw-food-diet/
This report shows the pros and cons of going raw. I want to see what will happen to me. I love this challenge. I'm sure I won't be as optimistic later on in the week.. or month, but that's why you guys are here!
..right?
Anyhow. I need to sleep, because I need to regenerate my positive energies.
One love.
Victo
364 days to go
Please, dear Lord, give me strength.
The first day? It was great actually. I didn't really have enough time to focus on food. I had a crazy day. Lots of music. I'll write about that later.
Maybe I won't.
Okay so here's a list of what I ate today in the order in which they come to my head:
1 plum
1/2 yellow papaya
1 kiwi
2 dates
1 cup cashews/walnuts
greens
1 cup cherry tomatoes
1/2 cucumber
10 baby carrots
1 1/2 cups grapes
alfalfa
balsamic vinegar
1 tsp olive oil
1 tsp soy sauce
That was my intake of the day and I felt great. No hunger.
I did, however have this strange thing with my head. I wasn't lightheaded, but something was like.. shifting? It was odd. I think it's just the initial detox working it's magic. We'll see. I really don't have much to say about eating right now because I didn't think about it much today. I just did my stuff and ate when I was hungry. I had lots of fun at the grocery store, though. I think I filled my fridge with like..
Kale.
D:
But! All is good. If you want to read one of the things that made me consider Raw-ism in the first place, this articel by Steve Pavlina is fantastic. Actually, he is just fantastic. I adore him.
http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2008/02/raw-food-diet/
This report shows the pros and cons of going raw. I want to see what will happen to me. I love this challenge. I'm sure I won't be as optimistic later on in the week.. or month, but that's why you guys are here!
..right?
Anyhow. I need to sleep, because I need to regenerate my positive energies.
One love.
Victo
364 days to go
Sunday, October 11, 2009
The Secret
K so.
I've been sitting here rereading the previous post and I thought I would clarify the part about deciding to be a musician.
I am a person who trusts their instincts, but I like to analyze a situation before going through with a descision. My head and my heart are always clashing. Always, which is another reason I'm getting so stressed out this year. Since I'm graduating, I feel as though I need to know what I'm going to do with my life.
You've heard this all before, right?
Yeah, then I go to the school counsellors and they all tell me the same thing, apply for scholarships even though you might now use them, chose the right classes, keep your grades high blablablaalbalab FUCK.
I don't CARE about my average. Let me explain.
In grade 10, I had a very clear vision of the future. I'd go to "performing arts college" and then become an "actress or something". Welll said, grade 10 Victo, well said. Well thought through. So then the realities of that little plan started beckoning my subcouncious. "You're never going to become an actress! How can you even THINK that!? You're just like every other wannabe out there!! You need a "SAFE JOB".. What about your kids? Are you going to have kids? Do you want them to be skeletor kids? Starving SKELETOR KIDS!?"
My subcouncious is a very darling character.
So then at the end of last year in grade 11, I decided that I was going to go to the University of Waterloo to become a biologist.
What?
You heard me, I want to do science.
But you hate math..
SHUT UP. Let me figure out my LIFE.
So then all during the summer I was thinking about it and trying to desperatley make up for lost time, having not done any science classes in grade 11 that I needed except for Biology, which for SOME REASON, God threw me the curveball of being really really good at Biology, like WTF. So then I had a little revelation and decided that No, I do want to do music, but I want to do the business side of things, like a promoter or something. Maybe I'll just go to a college and learn business.
And I was so so so sure. Then, my dad, that amazing man, sat me down one night and the conversation went like this:
So, you don't want to do this, do you?
Do what?
Go to college.
Uhh, yeah I do.
No, Victoria, you don't.
What are you talking about? Of course I do.
No. You don't.
Yeah, daddy, I do.
Victoria. You look me in the eyes and tell me that you want to go to Durham College to study business.
I want to go to Durham College to study business.
No you don't.
..Yes I do.
No you don't.
Um, yeahh. Yes I do yes I do..
Victoria.
And then I started crying. So hard. So long. I was convulsing with emotion. Paralyzed. It was one of the strangest things I've ever gone through. After about two hours of that, just being a pathetic miserable lump on my bed, everything was suddenly very clear:
I was to become a musician. And not just any musician. A very very well known dance music producer. The reason that that desicion was so hard to take is that, there is no obvious route to get there. When you want to become a doctor, yes it's extremely difficult, but the way to do it is extremely obvious. Music isn't a walk in the park to be successful at since so much of it is chance. I believe strongly in The Secret, or the Law of Attraction. http://www.thesecret.tv/
Ever since my decision of having that as my main goal, everything that I do, breathe, say and dream about is planned so that it's leading me to that goal. Everything. You guys, it works. It's been a month and I've started a project, I'm meeting people who come to ME, people want to collaborate, I'm getting song ideas, I'm getting gigs, I found a rapper.. on and on and on..
You have to live as if it's already happened. I live as though I'm a pop star, but the world just doesn't know it yet. And it's working. I have to just laugh it off when people doubt me, which is especially hard when it's your family or close friends.
I hope that gave some insight. If you read this, let The Secret into your lives.. it's seriously an amazing tool.
One love.
Victo
I've been sitting here rereading the previous post and I thought I would clarify the part about deciding to be a musician.
I am a person who trusts their instincts, but I like to analyze a situation before going through with a descision. My head and my heart are always clashing. Always, which is another reason I'm getting so stressed out this year. Since I'm graduating, I feel as though I need to know what I'm going to do with my life.
You've heard this all before, right?
Yeah, then I go to the school counsellors and they all tell me the same thing, apply for scholarships even though you might now use them, chose the right classes, keep your grades high blablablaalbalab FUCK.
I don't CARE about my average. Let me explain.
In grade 10, I had a very clear vision of the future. I'd go to "performing arts college" and then become an "actress or something". Welll said, grade 10 Victo, well said. Well thought through. So then the realities of that little plan started beckoning my subcouncious. "You're never going to become an actress! How can you even THINK that!? You're just like every other wannabe out there!! You need a "SAFE JOB".. What about your kids? Are you going to have kids? Do you want them to be skeletor kids? Starving SKELETOR KIDS!?"
My subcouncious is a very darling character.
So then at the end of last year in grade 11, I decided that I was going to go to the University of Waterloo to become a biologist.
What?
You heard me, I want to do science.
But you hate math..
SHUT UP. Let me figure out my LIFE.
So then all during the summer I was thinking about it and trying to desperatley make up for lost time, having not done any science classes in grade 11 that I needed except for Biology, which for SOME REASON, God threw me the curveball of being really really good at Biology, like WTF. So then I had a little revelation and decided that No, I do want to do music, but I want to do the business side of things, like a promoter or something. Maybe I'll just go to a college and learn business.
And I was so so so sure. Then, my dad, that amazing man, sat me down one night and the conversation went like this:
So, you don't want to do this, do you?
Do what?
Go to college.
Uhh, yeah I do.
No, Victoria, you don't.
What are you talking about? Of course I do.
No. You don't.
Yeah, daddy, I do.
Victoria. You look me in the eyes and tell me that you want to go to Durham College to study business.
I want to go to Durham College to study business.
No you don't.
..Yes I do.
No you don't.
Um, yeahh. Yes I do yes I do..
Victoria.
And then I started crying. So hard. So long. I was convulsing with emotion. Paralyzed. It was one of the strangest things I've ever gone through. After about two hours of that, just being a pathetic miserable lump on my bed, everything was suddenly very clear:
I was to become a musician. And not just any musician. A very very well known dance music producer. The reason that that desicion was so hard to take is that, there is no obvious route to get there. When you want to become a doctor, yes it's extremely difficult, but the way to do it is extremely obvious. Music isn't a walk in the park to be successful at since so much of it is chance. I believe strongly in The Secret, or the Law of Attraction. http://www.thesecret.tv/
Ever since my decision of having that as my main goal, everything that I do, breathe, say and dream about is planned so that it's leading me to that goal. Everything. You guys, it works. It's been a month and I've started a project, I'm meeting people who come to ME, people want to collaborate, I'm getting song ideas, I'm getting gigs, I found a rapper.. on and on and on..
You have to live as if it's already happened. I live as though I'm a pop star, but the world just doesn't know it yet. And it's working. I have to just laugh it off when people doubt me, which is especially hard when it's your family or close friends.
I hope that gave some insight. If you read this, let The Secret into your lives.. it's seriously an amazing tool.
One love.
Victo
The Beginning
Okay, world.
I have a psycological problem.
I have an eating disorder.
And today.
That's all going to change.
First off, let me introduce myself to those of you who don't know me already.
My name is Victoria, I go by Victo. I'm a 16 year old girl from Canada. My passion and reason for living is music. Producing electronic dance music, to be precise. (I use FL Studio Producer and Mixcraft, saving up for Ableton and can spin decks.) I love exercise, singing and performing. I'm in grade 12. I have a really really offensive sense of humor and can't stand people who can't laugh at life. Here's my story.
_________________________________
Over the past month I've developped a form of anorexia that involves binge eating (eating until you think you'll die) and then not eating for 3 days. I'm miserable. Bingeing is like a trance. It's emotional. I lead a very very stressful life and my ambitions often leave me feeling lost and without a plan. And I hate that. The one thing that's always been structured for me has been my eating. In 2006 I weighed 147lbs, my ultimate high. I was 13. I started the Bonnie diet (my personal trainer who's a professional fitness and figure champion, this diet involves lost of chicken and asparagus and bok choy and rice cakes and that's it) and did it for a year. I basically ate the same exact thing everyday and exercised alot. I lost 17lbs, and was at 130lbs. I looked totally different, and felt great. Then I tried weaning myself off of it and just alorie counting. That combined with the infamous 3 day diet brought me even lower, to the point that I reached my ultimate low of 119lbs in August of this year.
Now. Then the bingeing started. I decided that I wanted to become a singer. I wanted to be a producer of my own electronic dance music and to do what I love. This was a hard decision. I'll post another post about that later.
With this decision came alot of tough emotions for me, and I felt a loss of control, so I turned to food; the one thing I had control over. To make a long story short, I've kept it a secret. I'm so ashamed.
I'M THE ONE MY FRIENDS GO TO FOR EATING ADVICE. HOW COULD I DO THIS TO MYSELF. I AM A FAILURE.
These are the things going on in my head. As I said before, it's a trance. I eat and eat and eat until my sides hurt and I want to purge and I can't even sleep and my heart is beating fast.. Feverish. It's a disease. People laugh at bingeing and don't take it seriously. It's a problem, people. Face it.
Now. With this cycle, I've gained back 11lbs. I'm hovering just under 130lbs.. and hating it.
I've come to the decision today, to let everyone know about my disorder so that we can work together to help me overcome it. I am going to change. I just can't do it in silence.
So I've started this blog to keep my decisions and successes and failures logged.
Victo, how are you going to change?
Well, my dearest friends. Tomorrow morning, I am a raw vegan. This means that I will only eat raw fruits and veggies, not cooked over 50 degrees C. This is a life changing decision for me. On this blog, I'm going to log all of the difficulties I encounter and how I feel.
I really hope that if someone is in the same situation as I am will maybe take the steps with me so that we can cure ourselves together, be good to our bodies and be free to live! My goal is to go 365 days raw, and to blog at least 3 times a week. If you email me, I'll send you everything you need to know about going raw and I'll be a friend and we can support eachother. v.burnett@hotmail.com
I know I am not alone, and it would be amazing to hear what people have to say. Admitting my disorder is the most embarassing thing that I think I've ever done, but I also think it's the only way to be healthy again. I can do this.
I can do this.
Wish me luck!
Tomorrow is the beginning of the rest of my life as a happy, healthy, performing, creating,
RAW VEGAN!
:D
All my love, Victo
I have a psycological problem.
I have an eating disorder.
And today.
That's all going to change.
First off, let me introduce myself to those of you who don't know me already.
My name is Victoria, I go by Victo. I'm a 16 year old girl from Canada. My passion and reason for living is music. Producing electronic dance music, to be precise. (I use FL Studio Producer and Mixcraft, saving up for Ableton and can spin decks.) I love exercise, singing and performing. I'm in grade 12. I have a really really offensive sense of humor and can't stand people who can't laugh at life. Here's my story.
_________________________________
Over the past month I've developped a form of anorexia that involves binge eating (eating until you think you'll die) and then not eating for 3 days. I'm miserable. Bingeing is like a trance. It's emotional. I lead a very very stressful life and my ambitions often leave me feeling lost and without a plan. And I hate that. The one thing that's always been structured for me has been my eating. In 2006 I weighed 147lbs, my ultimate high. I was 13. I started the Bonnie diet (my personal trainer who's a professional fitness and figure champion, this diet involves lost of chicken and asparagus and bok choy and rice cakes and that's it) and did it for a year. I basically ate the same exact thing everyday and exercised alot. I lost 17lbs, and was at 130lbs. I looked totally different, and felt great. Then I tried weaning myself off of it and just alorie counting. That combined with the infamous 3 day diet brought me even lower, to the point that I reached my ultimate low of 119lbs in August of this year.
Now. Then the bingeing started. I decided that I wanted to become a singer. I wanted to be a producer of my own electronic dance music and to do what I love. This was a hard decision. I'll post another post about that later.
With this decision came alot of tough emotions for me, and I felt a loss of control, so I turned to food; the one thing I had control over. To make a long story short, I've kept it a secret. I'm so ashamed.
I'M THE ONE MY FRIENDS GO TO FOR EATING ADVICE. HOW COULD I DO THIS TO MYSELF. I AM A FAILURE.
These are the things going on in my head. As I said before, it's a trance. I eat and eat and eat until my sides hurt and I want to purge and I can't even sleep and my heart is beating fast.. Feverish. It's a disease. People laugh at bingeing and don't take it seriously. It's a problem, people. Face it.
Now. With this cycle, I've gained back 11lbs. I'm hovering just under 130lbs.. and hating it.
I've come to the decision today, to let everyone know about my disorder so that we can work together to help me overcome it. I am going to change. I just can't do it in silence.
So I've started this blog to keep my decisions and successes and failures logged.
Victo, how are you going to change?
Well, my dearest friends. Tomorrow morning, I am a raw vegan. This means that I will only eat raw fruits and veggies, not cooked over 50 degrees C. This is a life changing decision for me. On this blog, I'm going to log all of the difficulties I encounter and how I feel.
I really hope that if someone is in the same situation as I am will maybe take the steps with me so that we can cure ourselves together, be good to our bodies and be free to live! My goal is to go 365 days raw, and to blog at least 3 times a week. If you email me, I'll send you everything you need to know about going raw and I'll be a friend and we can support eachother. v.burnett@hotmail.com
I know I am not alone, and it would be amazing to hear what people have to say. Admitting my disorder is the most embarassing thing that I think I've ever done, but I also think it's the only way to be healthy again. I can do this.
I can do this.
Wish me luck!
Tomorrow is the beginning of the rest of my life as a happy, healthy, performing, creating,
RAW VEGAN!
:D
All my love, Victo
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